These celebrated lines by the late poet Mary Oliver describe a life rooted in deep wonder, gratitude, and unfiltered engagement with the world. Yet for Myra Goodman—an award-winning author, wellness advocate, and the former co-founder of Earthbound Farm—embodying that level of openhearted trust was, for most of her life, an extraordinary challenge. Instead of moving through existence with ease, Goodman spent decades living under the lingering shadow of acute anxiety, persistently bracing for catastrophic tragedy and the sudden loss of those she loved.
Goodman’s struggle with fear was not born in isolation; it was anchored in early childhood encounters with loss and a heavy emotional inheritance passed down through her family. During her youth, a series of local personal tragedies shattered her basic sense of safety. Within a span of just a few years, three children close to her each lost a parent. Observing the sudden, devastating grief that swept through those families taught Goodman a painful lesson: that loved ones could vanish in an instant, permanently dismantling a world that had once felt secure. This heightened awareness of human fragility soon manifested as severe panic attacks regarding the survival of her own parents.
This early hypervigilance was further compounded by her deep family history. Both of Goodman’s parents were Holocaust survivors who had been orphaned during World War II. In the midst of the conflict, they lost almost their entire families, alongside every material possession they owned. Growing up in a household steeped in unspoken grief, trauma, and constant underlying apprehension, Goodman absorbed a hyperactive nervous system that remained perpetually primed for disaster.
To Goodman, death never felt like a natural, inevitable phase of human existence; instead, it felt apocalyptic—an ever-present threat capable of destroying everything without warning. For decades, despite her professional successes, this internal reality fueled intense anxiety about the countless potential catastrophes that might befall her and her family.
In recent years, following dedicated healing work and a sustained commitment to practices aimed at calming her nervous system, Goodman began to experience greater ease and emotional stability. However, that hard-won equilibrium was suddenly disrupted when a devastating accident struck her immediate circle.
Seth Pollack—a close family friend described as wise, joyous, generous, and full of life—was struck by a car during a morning bicycle ride and killed instantly. Pollack’s wife is one of Goodman’s most cherished friends, and their families’ lives were deeply interwoven. In a single moment, Pollack’s wife and daughters were thrust into a overwhelming reality of loss and grief.
For Goodman, the news arrived with overwhelming emotional force. Devastated and in disbelief, her long-standing fears resurfaced rapidly. Once again, the world felt menacing, painfully fragile, and inherently unsafe.
Yet, as time passed following Pollack’s death, Goodman began to process the tragedy differently. Reflecting on Pollack’s vibrant life, the manner in which he lived, and the courageous, honest way his family navigated his absence provided profound insights into how she wanted to approach her own remaining years.
Accepting the Truth of Impermanence
In reflecting on her friend’s sudden passing, Goodman came to recognize a fundamental truth about her long-standing anxiety. While her hypervigilance was undoubtedly intensified by inherited family trauma and childhood experiences, her underlying fear of loss was not inherently irrational. Life offers no guarantees that loved ones will be here tomorrow, nor does it guarantee our own continued presence.
The conditions of human existence are non-negotiable, and chronic worry offers no actual protection against tragedy. Struggling against an unalterable reality, Goodman realized, was entirely futile.
While confronting the certainty of impermanence can be terrifying, it also possesses the capacity to awaken individuals to the immediate value of their present lives. Goodman found herself facing a clear personal choice: she could remain emotionally imprisoned by the terror of eventual loss, or she could allow the certainty of impermanence to deepen her appreciation for the present moment rather than fleeing from it.
Cultivating Presence Instead of Fear
Goodman observed that when a cherished individual dies, their memory often brings the qualities they embodied into sharper relief. In the case of Seth Pollack, everyone who knew him recognized that he had lived a remarkably full, meaningful life—embracing the world’s beauty while consistently enriching the lives of those around him. Pollack lived with faith rather than fear, and Goodman knew he would never want his legacy to cause those who loved him to live more fearfully.
Considering his example prompted Goodman to evaluate her own life choices. She questioned whether she would look back on her journey with regret for having allowed anxiety to steal her peace, or whether she could find a path toward genuine serenity and trust.
Understanding that she had never been able to simply reason her way out of hypervigilance, Goodman decided to conduct a personal experiment. She spoke directly to the frightened parts of her internal psyche, asking if they would be willing to suspend their anxiety for just a few hours and try to embody the joyful presence that Pollack had consistently displayed.
Rather than demanding a permanent change from emotional patterns that had spent decades maintaining vigilance, Goodman asked for something far more manageable: could they attempt to practice presence instead of fear for a single afternoon?
Throughout that afternoon, whenever anxious thoughts surfaced, Goodman acknowledged them gently, reassuring herself that she could attend to those worries later if necessary. Instead of suppressing or fighting the fear, she returned her attention to the present moment, intentionally leaning into feelings of trust and relaxation.
Although she carried out her routine activities as usual, her internal experience of the day transformed significantly. Goodman felt lighter, more relaxed, and noticeably more open to warmth and human connection. She noticed tangible shifts in her behavior: holding her husband’s gaze longer, singing with enthusiasm while walking her dogs, and offering longer, more meaningful hugs to those around her.
The Cost of Living in Fear
This brief experiment brought into sharp focus the true impact of chronic anxiety. Goodman realized that fear did not merely inflict emotional suffering; it systematically restricted her ability to engage fully with life. Hypervigilance narrowed her perspective, fostering suspicion and continually directing her attention toward what might go wrong, effectively pulling her away from what was actually occurring in the present.
The experience highlighted the steep cost of living in fear, while offering a clear glimpse of the peace possible when anxiety stops consuming one’s energy. While fear constantly demands absolute certainty before permitting a sense of safety, trust enables an individual to participate fully in a life that offers no guaranteed outcomes.
Goodman has continued to repeat this practice regularly. Over time, choosing presence over hypervigilance has become increasingly natural, reinforcing her understanding that she does not have to yield to fear whenever it arises.
Choosing What to Carry Forward
While Goodman carries a significant legacy of inherited trauma, learning to draw upon the memory of her friend’s vitality has provided her with a far more fulfilling way to live. The ongoing practice has demonstrated that deeply ingrained emotional habits do not have to dictate one’s future, and that individuals retain the agency to shape their own emotional path.
Experiencing a sudden loss close to her heart confirmed that tragedy can strike without warning, and that the resulting pain is real and deep. However, it also proved that endlessly anticipating that pain provides no true protection or preparation, effectively weakening the hold that fear once maintained over her life.
Ultimately, Goodman has come to view mortality through a renewed lens. Where fear insists that the possibility of loss requires continuous self-protection and vigilance, a stronger internal voice now offers a different perspective: because life and relationships are temporary, they deserve to be fully appreciated and cherished while they last. The inevitability of loss does not require living in fear; rather, it serves as a compelling reason to love more deeply and live more fully in the present.
Myra Goodman is the award-winning author of four books and the creator of Quest for Eternal Sunshine, an online platform dedicated to providing free resources for emotional healing and well-being. Prior to her work in wellness, Goodman co-founded Earthbound Farm, spending thirty years developing the venture from a small backyard garden into the world’s largest grower of organic produce.
