However, following the sudden, heartbreaking death of her close family friend Seth Pollack nearly a year ago, Goodman found herself forced to confront her deepest existential terrors. Rather than allowing fear to permanently reclaim her life, she embarked on an intentional practice of emotional healing, learning how the certainty of human impermanence can serve not as a sentence of dread, but as a catalyst for deep appreciation, love, and presence.
Reflecting on her journey, Goodman draws inspiration from the words of poet Mary Oliver: "When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms." For Goodman, turning that poetic ideal into a daily reality required deconstructing a lifetime of anxiety rooted in historical trauma and personal loss.
A Legacy of Fear and an Activated Nervous System
Goodman’s struggle with existential anxiety was forged early in life through both inherited intergenerational trauma and acute personal experiences. Her mother and father were both Holocaust survivors who had been orphaned during World War II. In addition to losing almost their entire families, they lost every single material possession they owned.
Though much of this painful history remained unspoken in her childhood home, the emotional atmosphere was saturated with heavy grief and constant, ambient fear. Goodman inherited an activated nervous system that was perpetually primed for disaster, viewing safety as fragile and loss as inevitable.
This innate vulnerability was further compounded during her childhood when, within the span of just a few years, three children close to her each lost a parent. Observing the immediate emotional devastation that overwhelmed those families shattered Goodman’s childhood sense of security. The realization that people could vanish in an instant transformed her perspective on mortality, causing death to feel apocalyptic rather than a natural part of the human experience. As a result, she developed severe panic attacks centered on the terrifying prospect of her own parents dying.
For decades, even as she built a successful career—spending thirty years growing Earthbound Farm from a modest backyard organic garden into the world’s largest producer of organic produce, and later authoring four books and founding the healing platform Quest for Eternal Sunshine—Goodman continued to battle intense anxiety regarding the countless potential catastrophes that could strike her and her family.
Through dedicated healing work and consistent practices aimed at calming her nervous system, Goodman had gradually begun to experience greater ease in her daily life. But that progress faced its ultimate test when sudden tragedy struck her inner circle.
The Impact of Sudden Loss
The fragile sense of peace Goodman had built was severely tested when Seth Pollack—a cherished family friend described as wise, wonderful, joyous, and generous—was struck by an automobile during his morning bicycle ride. He died instantly.
The sudden loss sent shockwaves through Goodman’s life. Pollack’s wife was one of Goodman’s most treasured friends, and their families’ lives were deeply interwoven. In a single instant, Pollack’s wife and daughters were thrust into a heartbreaking reality of overwhelming grief and absence.
In the immediate aftermath, Goodman experienced a resurfacing of her childhood terror. The suddenness of Pollack’s death shattered her sense of safety, bringing her age-old panic roaring back to the surface. Once again, the world felt menacing, painfully fragile, and unbearable.
Yet, as the months passed and the first anniversary of Pollack’s death approached, Goodman began to notice something unexpected amidst the enduring pain. While the anguish of losing Pollack remained deep, the memory of how he lived, combined with the brave and honest way his surviving family navigated their grief, began to offer profound lessons about how to approach life.
Accepting the Truth of Impermanence
Pollack’s sudden death forced Goodman to confront a difficult reality: her lifelong fears of sudden, tragic loss were not merely irrational panics. Trauma had intensified her anxiety, but the core vulnerability she feared was an indisputable truth of human existence. There is never any guarantee that loved ones—or we ourselves—will be alive tomorrow.
Goodman came to realize that the terms of human life on Earth are non-negotiable, and that perpetual worrying provides zero physical or emotional protection against tragedy. Constantly fighting against the reality of impermanence was a futile expenditure of energy that could never change an outcome.
While acknowledging that nothing lasts forever can initially feel terrifying, Goodman recognized that this same reality possesses the power to awaken individuals to the richness of the present moment. She realized she faced a clear choice regarding how to spend the rest of her life: she could remain trapped in a self-imposed prison of anticipatory terror, or she could allow the reality of impermanence to deepen her gratitude for the life she has right now.
Cultivating Presence Instead of Fear
In reflecting on Pollack’s life, Goodman observed how the death of a beloved person often amplifies their finest qualities in the minds of those left behind. Despite the tragic nature of his passing, everyone who knew Pollack recognized that he had lived a remarkably full, vibrant, and meaningful life, embracing the world’s beauty while uplifting everyone around him.
Pollack lived his life anchored in faith rather than fear. Goodman knew he would never want his memory to inspire greater fear or hesitation in the people he loved. This realization prompted her to evaluate her own life and consider what she would see when looking back. She questioned whether she wanted her story to be defined by worries that drained her peace, or if she could find a path to living with faith and serenity.
Because logical reasoning had historically failed to diffuse her deep-seated anxiety, Goodman decided to try a soft behavioral experiment. Rather than demanding a permanent transformation from the protective, vigilant parts of her psyche that had spent decades on high alert, she gently asked those frightened parts if they would be willing to set anxiety aside for just a few hours.
She invited those internal parts of herself to spend one afternoon practicing presence instead of fear, embodying the joy and openness that Pollack had exemplified.
During this experiment, whenever anxious thoughts surfaced, Goodman did not try to suppress them or push them away. Instead, she gently acknowledged the fear, reassured herself that she could address those concerns later if necessary, and systematically returned her attention to the present moment. She focused on deliberately cultivating physical relaxation and trust.
The results of that single afternoon were profound. Though Goodman simply went about her ordinary daily routine without changing any external circumstances, her internal experience shifted dramatically. She felt lighter, more physically relaxed, and far more connected to the world around her. She found herself maintaining longer, warmer eye contact with her husband, singing joyously while walking her dogs, and offering longer, deeper hugs to those she cared about.
The Cost of Living in Fear
Through her mindfulness experiment, Goodman gained sharp clarity on the immense toll that chronic anxiety had levied on her life over the decades. She observed that fear does not merely cause psychological suffering; it actively diminishes an individual’s ability to engage with life.
Goodman realized that fear narrows human perspective, fostering an attitude of suspicion, wariness, and hyper-vigilance. It systematically directs attention toward potential future disasters while pulling awareness entirely away from the reality occurring in the present moment. While fear demands absolute certainty before permitting a person to feel safe, real trust allows an individual to participate wholeheartedly in a life that can never offer guaranteed certainty to anyone.
By stepping out of fear for even a brief period, Goodman tasted the freedom that comes when emotional energy is no longer drained by anticipatory grief. Repeating this experiment over time made the practice feel increasingly natural and accessible, revealing that life becomes far more vibrant when fear is no longer allowed to direct one’s attention.
Choosing What to Carry Forward
Although Goodman inherited a deep legacy of fear rooted in historical destruction, her ongoing practice of tuning into her late friend’s joyous memory has provided a sustainable blueprint for a happier existence. This journey has demonstrated to her that long-standing emotional patterns do not have to dictate a person’s future, and that individuals possess the agency to reshape their internal lives.
Experiencing the sudden loss of someone close confirmed her worst fears about life’s unpredictability, yet it simultaneously proved that endlessly anticipating pain does nothing to prevent or soften it. This realization has significantly loosened fear’s grip on her daily life.
Where fear once insisted that potential loss required constant defensive bracing, Goodman now hears a clearer, stronger inner voice reminding her that because life is temporary, every present moment deserves to be fully appreciated and enjoyed. Ultimate impermanence does not have to be an argument for living cautiously; instead, it can serve as the ultimate reason to love deeply, live courageously, and embrace the world unreservedly.
