Early in September, Elaine Belansky sat down to make a comprehensive list of what she most wanted her retirement to be built around: friends, art, nature, writing, family, and health. It was an idealistic, grounding exercise designed to map out the golden years of a well-earned transition. But when she looked at her calendar shortly after, she noticed a jarring disconnect. Administrative and coaching tasks had completely overtaken most of her week.
As a professional coach who guides women through this exact life transition, Belansky noted that she should have known better. Yet, the trap is remarkably common. Many people can rattle off an aspirational list of passions, only to find that their actual weekly schedules bear no resemblance to it. For others, the disconnect is even more paralyzing: when well-meaning friends advise them to pay attention to what brings them joy, they search their minds and come up entirely empty.
This gap manifests differently depending on one’s stage in life. For those still in the workforce, the disconnect often surfaces when someone asks the inevitable question of what they plan to do with themselves once they finally retire. For those who are already retired, the reality check hits during quiet mornings sitting with a cup of coffee, scrolling endlessly through a smartphone, and wondering how to fill the empty hours stretching ahead.
According to Belansky, the answers to these existential scheduling puzzles are far easier to find by examining a week one has already lived rather than by staring blankly into an uncertain future. A real, lived week serves as an unvarnished mirror, showing two critical truths: what activities genuinely bring a person joy, and what invisible obstacles keep those priorities from fitting into their days.
What Was Crowding Out the List
Belansky retired from a university career last year and deliberately chose to incorporate coaching women through the retirement transition into her own post-career plans. She deeply loves the work, noting that meaningful conversations with her clients sit comfortably at the top of her priority list of things that matter most.
However, what quietly crowded out everything else she had hoped to do in retirement—such as taking art classes and meeting up with friends—was not the coaching sessions themselves, but the endless, perfectionistic tinkering built up around those conversations. She found herself rewriting a newsletter for the twentieth time, tweaking a blog post, continuously fiddling with her website, polishing free guides, and perpetually searching for something else to improve.
On the exact day she made her foundational list, Belansky wrote a revealing entry in her personal journal regarding her burgeoning coaching business: she was constantly finding ways to improve, and the cycle was quietly exhausting her. Administrative and operational tasks were consuming far more of her retirement than she had ever intended to give them.
What One Good Day Showed Me
A couple of days after drafting her list of core values, Belansky experienced a day that she genuinely loved. Recognizing the value of the moment, she documented the sequence of events to pinpoint what she later termed "the recipe."
On that particular day, the morning unfolded with a cup of coffee with a friend named Rosie, followed by a refreshing walk outside, time dedicated to knitting and visual art, and a series of balanced activities. Only after checking those boxes did she sit down to write her newsletter. Beside that note in her journal, she emphasized a crucial realization: doing the creative work only after nurturing her personal well-being changed everything.
On most typical days, however, the routine went in reverse. Coaching and administrative tasks were prioritized first, and the things she loved were squeezed in afterward as an afterthought—if they happened at all.
Every single ingredient in that successful day was already present on her initial list of retirement priorities. What the experience ultimately demonstrated was that the true secret lay not just in the ingredients, but in the order of execution. When coaching tasks were placed first on the agenda, they tended to expand and take over the entire day. Conversely, when the things she loved were prioritized first, the necessary work naturally stayed in proper proportion.
This realization transformed her perspective on daily planning. Belansky realized that just like baking a recipe, the individual elements matter immensely, but the sequence in which they are added dictates the final outcome. Examining one real, documented day taught her far more about her lifestyle than staring at a static list of abstract goals ever could.
The Answer Is in Your Last Week
When discussing the concept of joy, Belansky points to a definition that carries tangible warmth. Referencing the work of researcher and author Brené Brown, she describes joy as an intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure, and appreciation.
While asking abstract questions like "What brings me joy?" can often lead to a mental blank, shifting the inquiry to the recent past yields immediate clarity. Asking oneself when that specific kind of joy was felt during the previous week—even if only for a few fleeting minutes—is significantly easier to answer because the individual was actually present for it. Furthermore, once those joyful moments are identified, a second vital question emerges: what specific obligations or habits crowded out the time meant to be spent on them?
For those still navigating their final years in the workforce, analyzing a full week—including activities pursued outside of professional hours—can illuminate the patterns they will want to carry forward once retirement officially begins. For those who are already retired, looking back at the preceding week, even if it felt uneventful, provides valuable data. Simple, ordinary acts like a phone call with a relative or a short walk around the neighborhood are valid components of a fulfilling life and deserve to be recognized.
Practical Steps Toward Balance
Reflecting on her own habits while traveling, Belansky noted that even her work habits require conscious boundaries. While finishing an article during a vacation while her husband watched a football match in an Irish pub brought her a sense of creative satisfaction, she recognized the ongoing struggle. Writing words that might help another woman brings her genuine joy, but the persistent challenge remains ensuring that other vital parts of her life are not continually pushed to the margins.
Upon returning home to a calendar full of client sessions—a professional commitment she welcomes—she intentionally began blocking out dedicated time for other aspects of her life. Her renewed schedule makes explicit room for art lessons, hiking trips, gym sessions, a newly joined women’s group, and unhurried time with friends.
To maintain this equilibrium, she occasionally relies on a simple checklist to structure the following day. While she does not view rigid scheduling as a daily necessity, she recognizes its utility as a corrective tool whenever she senses the delicate balance of her retirement slipping away.
Ultimately, individuals do not need to have their entire post-career identity figured out in advance. The process can begin simply by noticing what already feels good in everyday life, and paying close attention to the sequencing of days that feel most harmonious. By continuing to observe her daily routines and journaling about her experiences, Belansky aims to sustain a lifestyle where personal joy is given the space it requires to thrive.
